Confessions of a Recovering Sugar Junkie – what’s in a title?

This site is my way to start dealing with and informing others about sugar addiction.  It sounds funny, it sounds like an excuse, it sounds like something people say when they want that last piece of cake on the plate.  In reality I’m thinking we’re all afraid to really come out and say . . . this is a big problem.

When I say it’s a big problem I mean big!  If you start looking at us as a nation, especially when paired with our “mother and brother” countries you can see how large the problem really is.  North America and the UK are all expanding rapidly and not in a good way.  What we’re eating is taking over and destroying our health and our lives.

I’ve had the opportunity to come to many an interesting conclusion over the past few years.  It all started with being fired.  Fired from a good job.  One that, while not anywhere near my dream job, had good people depending on me and depending on me to get done what I needed to get done.  It wasn’t a hard job and it wasn’t a life-changing one – that is until a year or so after I was fired.   I totally let everyone down and there was no excuse.  Except for the fact that I was the sugar version of an alcoholic.  The amount of sugar I was consuming on a daily basis affected my personality, my brain function, my ability to physically function and my “head space.”

When I was finally called out for truly and utterly failing at my job (and unfortunately failing them and our participants) I was of course freaked out.  I was also questioning what the hell I would do to make rent in the near future.  In the end, however, I was also greatly relieved!  I had dug myself in so deep I didn’t know how I was going to get out.  The kicker of course was . . . they were actually concerned about me (it was the type of organization I worked for, all women can have that effect).  I was told a number of times that I wasn’t myself anymore.  That they were wondering what was going on.  That they were also hoping that I would dig myself out of . . . what has turned out to be my rock bottom moment.

My life tends to run along a serendipitous route (I don’t care what everyone says … it was John Cusack, thus a good movie! BTW he is awesome on twitter!).  Every time I look back I can see all the lucky breaks and good choices I made.  Even the tough times have led to something good, my apartment, my current job and my last job.  It was the one that helped change my life . . . even though parts of it were a living hell, especially the pay . . .

After being fired (I fessed up to my Mom but that was about it at the time) I was in a mad scramble to find a job (well . . . duh!).  One of the things that continued to pop up in my head was a need for manual labour.  In actual fact it was more like my subconscious was trying to smack me upside the head.  Think Gibbs and DiNozzo/McGee/David (yes I’m one of the few people who actually admits to watching that program).  My last job was a desk job and this time I knew I had to move or die, literally.  I was hugely overweight.  Most likely the worst in my life.

So I found a job with horrible pay, good coworkers (note I left out the management) and a great learning experience.  What happened with this job?  I moved.  Every single day I was on my feet, moving, lifting and most importantly learning.  I also got poor, way poor!  Probably the best thing that could have ever happened to me.  This meant that I couldn’t afford the junk food.  The crap that was killing me and turning me into a hollow shell of myself.  I lived on peanut butter, whole grain bread and bagels, my crazy mash-up dinners and milk and tea.  I finally got to the point where my brain was thinking clearly and I could actually see what had been happening to me.  It was immense.  I knew that I needed to eat real food in order to survive the work I was doing, including breakfast (yes it’s the most important meal of the day!).  I even gave up the two “pretending to be healthy but really just chocolate bars with oatmeal in them” chewy granola bars I had at lunch every day.

The wonderful thing is that this job . . . which many could consider to be one of the worst in my life . . . actually saved it.  It’s odd how these things happen.  It also lead to the best job I’ve ever had.

Since my revelation I’ve fallen off the wagon twice.  The first time I made it back on without too many hiccups.  This time, possibly due to my denial about the stress load I’m under, it’s been abysmal.  However, it has ultimately solidified my knowledge that I, without a tiny speck of doubt in my mind, am addicted to sugar.  It’s my alcohol, my cocaine, my heroine, my fill in the blank . . .

So in order to pick up, dust off and get right back on that bucking stallion . . . I’ve created this website and the Real Food Challenge.  I need to get off the sugar.  Once and for all.  It’s a major challenge thanks to today’s “convenience” food products (high fructose corn syrup in your sushi anyone?) and the basic idea that there should be sugar in everything that we eat so it’s tasty (same problem with salt).  But ever the crazy optimist . . . I’m up for the challenge . . . sometime in the very, very near future